Reflections
by PSU93Girl
Summary: This came to me after reading another fic. It's not my intent to make this an ongoing story, it will be a series of one-shots. Rated M to be safe but no serious smut yet. Ch 3 up now, but it's not a Maddie chapter as I had planned. Enjoy!
1. When You Love Someone Else

_A/N: I've had the outline of this story kicking around in my head ever since I read Chapter 7 of the story "Nothing from Nothing" by the immensely talented __SaoirseConnelly__. Thanks for the inspiration!_

_This takes place at some point during the recent episodes. I'll leave it to you to decide where it fits best. _

_I still don't own these amazing characters. My birthday is coming up soon though, so you never know…_

"_. . . you don't marry someone when you love someone else."_

I stood in the very spot where Michael had spoken those words. It wasn't all that long ago but it felt like a lifetime had gone by. Sometimes I wondered whether it had actually ever happened.

It was the most emotion I'd ever gotten from Michael when all four of our feet were on the floor and we were fully clothed. I knew he cared, and he was expert at showing his feelings when we were in bed. But we never spoke about those feelings once daylight came.

I thought back to Samantha's arrival at Michael's door all those months ago. I had been completely blindsided. Michael had been engaged.

The spy who couldn't commit to sleeping in the same place for two nights in a row had made the ultimate commitment to someone. That couldn't be the same man who had walked out on me without as much as a note.

The thing was, I didn't even want to get married. It wasn't about that at all. It was just the idea…

Things were better now. We'd never have the white picket fence—neither of us wanted that anyway—but he wasn't pushing me away at every turn anymore.

So that was how I came to be standing in the doorway to Michael's balcony late at night as he slept in the bed we had just shared. It had been a truly amazing day. We had wrapped up a case in the morning and sent Sam off for a romantic weekend with his latest conquest.

Michael had agreed to visit Maddie, since we hadn't seen her for a few days, and while saying he enjoyed the time we spent there would be a stretch, he didn't seem to hate it as much as he usually did.

He had even suggested we go out to dinner after we left Maddie's house. And he took me home and waited patiently while I changed.

We ate and talked and laughed for so long that there was hardly anyone else left in the restaurant when we left. Michael pressed his hand against the small of my back as we walked to his car, and before opening the door he wrapped me in his arms and pressed a sweet, tender kiss to my lips.

We held hands in the car as he drove us back to the loft, his fingers occasionally caressing mine. At a red light he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. It was sweet. We both knew where it was going but it lacked the urgency of many of our encounters.

When we arrived outside the loft Michael made me wait in the car as he opened the gates, and again as he closed them after we were inside. It was a beautiful night, warm but not too hot and for once the humidity had dropped a bit. Michael put his arm around me and guided me to the steps. He sat down and pulled me down on the step in front of him, my back against his chest and his knees on either side of my waist.

He held me like that for a while. Neither of us said a word, the sound of our breathing the only thing that broke the silence between us. Eventually he reached down and laced his fingers between mine, our hands resting on his knees. I pressed myself against him, closed my eyes, and drew in a deep breath. There was nowhere else I would have wanted to be at that moment.

Michael pressed a kiss to the top of my head before gently pulling me up and leading me inside. He hung up his suit while I slipped out of my heels and fancy dress and into the tank top and shorts that he had ready for me on the bed. I set my purse on the counter and brushed my hair before getting a bottle of water from the refrigerator and settling on the bed to wait for Michael.

He returned to my side wearing only his boxers and we lay next to each other on the bed, holding hands and kissing for what felt like hours. He looked at me in a way I hadn't seen since the night Samantha left. I could have looked into his eyes all night.

His hands caressed me through the thin layer of clothing I was wearing. When he kissed me it was so full of emotion I thought my heart would break. He rolled over and drew me on top of him, his hands reaching beneath my tank top to brush against my back and my sides.

He said nothing but with every kiss and every warm touch of his hands and every look I heard him saying, "when you love someone else." I was the someone else in that sentence. I wondered if he knew how much those words affected me, even all these months later.

He gently pulled my tank top over my head and I relished the feel of my bare skin against his. He touched, caressed, and kneaded all of the right places. I ran my hands over his chest and around to his back.

I kissed him deeply and then pulled away, pressing my body tightly against his and resting my head on his chest. I could hear his heart pounding as his hands caressed my back before moving to my waist. Before I knew it my shorts were on the ground and I was naked on top of Michael.

I held tightly to him and quickly rolled us over. Michael knew I usually wanted to be on top, and he put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Fi," he whispered in my ear.

I peeled his boxers off and relished the feel of him against me. He hardened at my touch as we continued to slowly drive each other to the edge.

When we joined together it was sweet and tender and full of emotions that usually went unexpressed. He spoke only once more, again whispering my name in my ear as he spilled inside me.

Michael collapsed on top of me, holding me tightly to him, the sweat on our skin causing us to practically stick together. He stroked my hair before rolling onto his side and pulling me close against him. He kissed my lips again before we drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

When I awoke I didn't know what time it was, but it was still dark outside. Michael had rolled over and his arm rested across my back. I turned to face him, rolling onto my side. He looked truly peaceful, which wasn't a usual thing for him. I reached out and gently ran my fingers over his forehead.

I lay there for a few minutes, just watching him as he slept. His mouth curved into a small smile before he stretched a bit, repositioning himself and withdrawing his arm from my side. He sighed in his sleep.

I was thirsty, so I climbed out of bed, taking care not to wake Michael. I paused alongside the bed in case he woke up, heading into the kitchen when he didn't. I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and walked to the open balcony door.

It was about as late at night as it had been that night when I stood in the same place I now stood. Then it had been Maddie asleep in the bed. The memories came flooding back. That was a real turning point for me. I was convinced that there was no future for me with Michael.

And then he had spoken those words.

I had to be realistic; there was very little chance that Michael and I could ever have a "normal" romantic relationship. And I wasn't that kind of girl anyway.

But I didn't want any other man and I didn't want Michael to have any other woman. And for him to say he loved me—even if he was talking about the past—was more than I had ever thought I'd hear from him.

I took a sip of water and leaned my head against the door. It really was a beautiful night. I thought of everything we had been through together since that night. He had flown off in a helicopter, been kidnapped, disappeared, and returned to me every time. I had decided to leave Miami, been kidnapped a few times myself, and been saved by Michael or saved myself to return to him. We had fought and laughed and worked out and had sex. We had lived a lifetime and then some.

I had gotten so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear Michael get out of bed. I jumped as his arms closed around my waist. He laughed and leaned down to kiss my neck, holding me tightly against his chest.

Michael quietly led me over to the lounge chair that sat on the balcony. He sat down and I sat in front of him, his legs on either side of me and my back resting against his chest. He rested his chin on my shoulder and we sat together watching the stars in the sky reflected on the water below us.

We might never figure each other out and neither of us knew what tomorrow would bring. But as we sat together, our breaths drawn in unison, I didn't care.

_I plan to continue posting short pieces like this from each character's POV whenever something comes to me. Let me know what you think!_


	2. I Have Faith In You

"_And the rest of us are left to wonder who you really are."_

Fiona had spoken those words months ago as I sat on the bed where she now slept. She had no idea how much it had hurt to hear her say them. But spies didn't let it show when they were hurt by words.

She had thought I didn't want to be with her. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I wanted to be with her more than I wanted to live. She was more important to me than anything or anyone ever had been or ever would be. I'd rather hold my breath until I suffocated to death than have one hair on her head be harmed.

And that was why I had insisted for so long that we couldn't be together. With me in her life, Fiona was in danger.

She'd laugh if I told her that but I had evidence to back up my position.

Derek Poole had bombed the loft and when Fiona went to check out his house she almost died in a fiery deathtrap.

I had gotten involved with Tom Strickler and he had sent a man from Fiona's past to kidnap and do God knows what to her.

I had disappointed her and she took a job with Sam that led to her being kidnapped and again she could have died.

And then there was the latest situation. The one that had brought us to where we were now.

I had taken actions that got Jesse burned. Fiona had warned me that it would end badly but I had insisted on seeing my plan through. I had even convinced her to back me on that plan.

But then Jesse found out what happened. He knew everything and once again my actions had almost caused Fiona's death. It had been about six hours since her phone call had come.

I had left Carlito's right away, sending Sam to my mom's house to keep watch there. I had to get to the loft. I had to get to Fi, to see that she wasn't harmed. I was so afraid that Jesse would come back before I got there.

I drove so fast to the loft I expected to have a caravan of police cars following me when I got there. There was no way I was going to stop until I held Fiona in my arms. Luck must have been on my side because I made it to the loft without encountering the police.

I slammed the gate shut and headed up the steps to the loft, my gun in my hand. I opened the door and glanced around. I didn't see anyone even though Fiona's car had been outside.

"Fi?" I called, my gun still held out in front of me.

I heard a sob coming from upstairs and I cautiously walked over to the steps inside the loft, shutting the door and locking it behind me. I was fairly certain Jesse had not returned since he hadn't come after me yet. When I got close enough to see upstairs my heat broke.

Fiona stood at the top of the stairs, her gun pointed at the door. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. Tears stained her cheeks. I knew it was bad when she didn't even try to hide her crying from me. Fiona never felt fear. Never. And if she did feel fear, she certainly wouldn't show it. So her openly crying in front of me was bad. Very bad.

I moved to the bottom of the steps, lowering my gun to my side and opening my arms. I hoped with everything in me that Fiona would accept my hug.

Before I knew it Fiona practically threw herself down the steps towards me. She crashed into my chest, wrapping her arms around me without putting her gun down. She buried her face in my shirt and sobbed. I quickly tucked my gun into my waistband and wrapped my arms around her.

I knew this wouldn't last but I was going to hold her for as long as she'd allow me. I stroked her hair and whispered words to try to comfort her. I didn't even really know what I was saying but I had to try to stop her sobbing.

This was all my fault.

"Shhh, Fi, it's going to be OK," I said over and over, practically begging her to believe me.

"Michael," she sobbed after a few minutes.

I braced myself for what was coming. History had told me that I better get ready to duck.

Fiona quickly pulled away from me, the gun falling from her hand to the steps. Her fists pressed against my chest as she looked up at me.

"We ruined his life, Michael," she said, looking into my eyes with a glare that frightened me. She took a step back and I reached out to hold her fists with my hands. To my surprise she didn't resist. "You told me the plan would work."

"It will work, Fi," I told her, still holding her fists but taking a step closer to her. "We just have to see it through."

"I don't think he's going to give us that chance, Michael," Fiona said, sobbing as she came to the end of the sentence. I pulled her back towards me, wrapping her in my arms, her hands grasping the shirt at my chest as she shook against me.

I kissed the top of her head and walked her backwards until we reached the edge of the bed. I sat down and pulled her into my lap, holding her tightly and gently rubbing her shoulders and back. The sound of her sobs broke my heart. She rested her head tightly against my shoulder and I could feel her tears on my neck.

After a few minutes I removed the gun from my waistband and set it on the floor near the bed. I held Fi tightly to me and lay back on the bed, rolling so she was lying on her side next to me. She held my shirt in her hands as I brushed the hair out of her face. I wiped the tears from her cheeks and leaned down to kiss her forehead before rolling onto my back and pulling her onto my chest.

Her sobs quieted as she rested with her head on my chest, one hand grasping my shirt at my waist. I traced small circles on her back, trying to massage away the stress she had felt for the past few hours.

"Fi, I'm so sorry Fi," I whispered, "it should have been me who came home to find Jesse here."

"I'm glad it wasn't you, Michael; Jesse would have killed you," she replied.

"Tell me exactly what happened," I said. I didn't want to make her relive those terrifying moments but I needed to know exactly what we were up against.

As she recounted the events, I subconsciously tightened my arms around her. When she told me about Jesse holding the gun to her head my mind flashed back to another time she had stood in the crosshairs. Watching Gabriel holding her at gunpoint as I stood helplessly across the water had been one of the most agonizing moments of my life.

Knowing that she had once again stood in that position was almost more than I could bear. And it was all my fault.

She choked out the last few words between sobs. She sat up and buried her face in her hands. I sat up next to her and pulled her to me, rocking us back and forth in an effort to soothe her. She was sobbing so hard she began to cough.

I left her side only long enough to get her some water, quickly returning to the bed as she continued coughing. I put one hand on her back and raised the bottle of water to her lips with the other.

"Fi, calm down. Drink this," I whispered, tipping the bottle so she could take a drink. She sipped the water and her coughing stopped.

I rubbed her back as her cries quieted and she nestled her head against my chest. We both sighed as I massaged her shoulders and her back.

"What are we going to do, Michael?" Fiona quietly asked.

"It will be OK Fi," I promised, "I won't let anything happen to you."

"But Michael, he's really angry. You didn't see him," she replied, her body beginning to shake again.

"I know Fi, but I'm going to take care of it," I assured her, slowly guiding her back and pulling her fully onto the bed. She shifted so I could pull the covers off and then settled herself on her pillow. I pulled the sheet and blanket up around her and lay next to her.

She faced me and I kissed away the tears that were falling down her cheeks. The hurt and despair in her eyes made me want to kill Jesse.

Fiona reached out and touched my cheek with her hands before leaning in and kissing me. She told me she had a headache before she slowly drifted off to sleep.

I remained next to her, watching her fitful breathing and trying to soothe her by rubbing her head and her back. Every time she felt me move she reached out and wouldn't settle down until we made contact again.

Finally her breathing became deep and regular and her dreams seemed to have stopped. I continued rubbing her back for a few minutes and when I withdrew my hand she remained asleep. I slowly rolled off the bed and went to the fridge for a yogurt.

I watched her sleep, so thankful that she was finally resting. I was still too keyed up to sleep myself. I knew Sam wouldn't call so I slipped over to the balcony door, keeping my eye on Fiona. She rolled over but didn't wake up, so I quickly checked in with Sam on how things were at my mom's house.

Sam reported that Maddie was upset, which was to be expected. But there was no sign of Jesse, which was good for now but which I also knew wouldn't last. Sam agreed to stay at my mom's house for the night and we made plans to get together in the morning. He asked how Fi was doing before we said goodbye.

Mercifully, Fiona had remained sound asleep through the whole phone call. My mind flashed back to the words she had spoken during the car theft job. I had been trained to never reveal too much about myself. Unfortunately that training didn't stop where my professional life ended and my personal life began.

And yet, very recently Fiona had declared that she had faith in me. I had no idea how that was possible since I had pushed her away at every turn for so long. I couldn't lie to myself and do that any longer but I wasn't sure what I had done to earn her faith. But it was one more reason that it was my job to protect her. It was the most important job I had now.

I heard Fiona stir so I put the phone down on the counter and quietly made my way back to the bed. She was still mostly asleep as I sat next to her. She turned towards me and whispered, "Michael."

I stretched out beside her. "I'm right here, Fi," I whispered in her ear as I drew her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled tightly against my body and drifted back to sleep.

There was a lot of work to be done. I had to find Jesse and talk to him. It was crucial that I convince him his burn had been an accident and that we had all been working to get him back in. And he needed to know that Fiona was never in favor of anything that had happened surrounding his burn. There's no telling what he might do if I couldn't convince him.

But for now, all that mattered was the woman in my arms. As much as I had tried to deny it, she was my world and I had already given up what I thought was the most important thing to me in order to save her. Nothing mattered more than her safety and as she snuggled against me again I pressed a kiss to her hair and vowed to keep her safe no matter what happened.

_OK that went a little different way than I intended. Stories do that sometimes. _

_I'm working on a Maddie chapter so hopefully I can have that up soon. Please let me know what you think and thanks for reading!_


	3. How Far We've Come

_A/N: OK I know I said the next chapter was going to be Maddie's but this came to me today. So Michael gets another chapter first. _

_I realize this isn't something that would happen on the show, it's just me having a little bit of fun with the wonderful Matt Nix's characters._

"Michael."

The whisper coming from my bed was barely audible. I quickly retreated from the fridge to sit alongside Fiona.

"Yeah, Fi?"

"I'm thirsty."

I smoothed her hair down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before heading back to the fridge to get her a bottle of water.

"Here, Fi, drink this," I instructed, holding the bottle up for her and helping her sit up. I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to me. She drank the water, spilling a little when she coughed. I wiped her chin and took the bottle from her when she was finished.

I rubbed her back as she lay back down and settled herself under the covers. When she fell back asleep I got up and called Sam.

"Sam, can you bring some stuff to the loft?" I asked, giving him a list of what I needed.

"Whoa, everything OK brother?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, it's fine Sam, nothing to worry about."

"OK I'll be there soon Mikey."

I hung up and headed for a quick shower. As I stood with the cool water massaging my back I thought about the events that had led us to where we were now—Fiona sleeping in my bed in the middle of the day.

Yesterday had started just like any other day. We had a job to finish up and the end couldn't have come soon enough for any of us. After a celebratory lunch Sam had headed off on one of his usual pursuits and Fiona and I had come to the loft. She had complained of a headache but it seemed to clear up with some Excedrin when we got home.

Things had heated up between us rather quickly. Fiona had pressed her body against mine, her lips hungrily seeking my own as she grasped my ass with her hand. I eagerly returned her kiss, my tongue gently reaching out to meet hers as she parted her teeth. I grasped her breast through her tank top, noticing that she felt a bit warmer than usual but chalking it up to her heightening arousal.

She had practically ripped my shirt off and removed my pants before pulling her own shirt over her head. I assisted with her shorts and we both stood naked, our bodies pressed together as our hands roamed over each other's body.

Fiona had guided us over to the bed, forcefully but playfully pushing me down onto my back as she stood before me. I smiled up at her as she climbed up onto the bed, her legs straddling my waist, causing her hips to grind against my hardening erection. She leaned down and kissed me deeply, rotating her hips and making me moan with pleasure into her mouth.

We joined together fast and hard. I brought her to release several times before she pushed me over the edge. She was gasping for breath as she collapsed on top of me, kissing my shoulder as she settled into a more comfortable position. She was trembling.

I massaged Fiona's back as her breathing returned to normal and quickly covered us as she continued to shake. I held her closely and kissed her warm forehead as we drifted off to sleep together.

I awoke a few hours later, shocked to be covered in sweat with Fiona shivering next to me. Still half asleep, I reached out to smooth her hair back from her face. When I touched her cheek I was shocked at how hot she felt. I sat up, instantly awake.

"Fi," I whispered, gently stroking her back and reaching behind me for a t-shirt that had been thrown on the end of my bed, "you're burning up. Put this t-shirt on while I get you some water and Tylenol."

"I'm not sick, Michael. I don't need you to take care of me," came her weak reply. She continued to shiver so I gently pulled her up to a sitting position against me. I put the t-shirt on her and when I got up she instantly laid back down, pulling the covers around her.

I quickly returned to her side with the water and medication in my hand. "Take this, Fi," I instructed.

"I don't need it, Michael," she whispered, trying to burrow fully under the covers.

"Do it for me, Fi," I said, holding them out until she took them from me.

I ran upstairs, grabbing some sweatpants and an extra blanket, and hurried back down to where Fi now sat. She had clearly decided not to fight me any longer, as she accepted the sweatpants and quickly pulled them on.

She leaned against me, laying her head on my shoulder as she sneezed. I wrapped my arms around her.

"Not sick, huh, Fi?" I said, rubbing her back to try to warm her up.

"I don't get sick, Michael," she replied.

"OK Fi, but I'm tired so how about we lie back down and try to get a little more sleep?"

Before we could settle she began sneezing again. I got up to get her a box of tissues, placing them on the edge of the bed and moving a trash can next to her side. I sat next to her, rubbing her back and lightly massaging her shoulders. She leaned back against my chest, still burning up.

"Come on, Fi, let's get some rest," I said as I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her to lay down with me. I covered her with the extra blanket before she settled her head on my chest. I could hear her struggling to breathe as I gently stroked her hair.

"I'm not sick, Michael," she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.

I didn't sleep much. Fiona eventually rolled off of me and I adjusted the extra blanket to keep her warm. She had stopped shivering but as I held her in my arms she still felt very warm. I kissed the top of her head and drew her close to my chest as I allowed myself to sleep.

I woke up not long after, relieved to see Fiona still sound asleep. She was drenched in sweat but as I kissed her forehead I was pleased to feel that she was a bit cooler. I sat up and rubbed her back for a little while.

Eventually I got out of bed and grabbed a yogurt from the fridge. I quickly ate before heading to my bathroom to see what supplies I had on hand. Fi would need some NyQuil and orange juice and probably some more tissues and maybe Vicks too. I made a mental note to call Sam. He'd also need to stop by Fi's apartment to bring some clothes. She'd fight me, but I wasn't going to let her leave the loft until she was better.

The sun was up now, so I grabbed another yogurt and a water and headed out to the balcony. I left the doors open so I could hear if Fi woke up. It was a beautiful morning. We didn't have any jobs pending so I had time to just relax.

I called my mom and asked her to pick up some chicken soup for Fiona and she agreed, promising to bring it over in the afternoon. Fi stirred a little but remained asleep as I watched. After doing some work upstairs I returned to the kitchen to see what I had to eat—other than yogurt—in my fridge. That's when I heard Fiona whisper my name.

I finished up my shower and quickly dressed, returning to the side of the bed where Fiona was resting. She had kicked the extra blanket off of the bed and I retrieved it from the floor, folding it and laying it on the chair near the bed. I smoothed the hair out of her face and kissed her cheek.

Taking a seat on the chair, I watched Fi as she slept. She stretched and curled up again but didn't wake up. I thought about how far we had come. Three years ago the thought that she'd be laying in my bed with the flu and letting me take care of her would have seemed insane. I remembered back to waking up in that hotel room and seeing Fiona sitting beside my bed.

My first thought was that I had to get out of there and as far away from Fiona as I could. And it had to happen right away. There was no way she would ever forgive me for having left her in the middle of the night.

It certainly hadn't been a smooth road from that point until now. There had been times I'd pushed her away, and times she'd pushed me away. She had started seeing someone else, not trying to hide it from me.

I never let her know how much I hated the idea of her with someone else. I put on a smile for her but inside I was seething. Campbell knew Fiona in a way that only I should. But then when he had broken it off, the sadness in Fiona's eyes had broken my heart. I realize now that she had come to accept what took me longer to accept.

For us, there could only be each other.

My mom knew it long ago. Sam probably did too.

I had taken longer to realize it and I think Fiona had taken longer to accept that I wasn't going to push her away anymore.

I sat there, lost in thought until I heard Fiona cough. She rolled over, searching for me as I moved over to the bed.

"Michael," she whispered.

"Yeah, Fi?" I replied, placing my hand on her cheek.

"What time is it?" she asked, sitting up and taking my hand in her own.

"Don't worry about that Fi, you just rest so you can get better. My mom is on her way over with soup and Sam will be here with all the meds you could possibly need. You'll be feeling better in no time."

"I'm not sick, Michael," she reminded me just as the door opened and Sam and my mom entered together.

"Sure you're not, honey," mom replied. "Why don't you just humor the rest of us and play along?"

"Wow, Mikey, you were right, she does look terrible!" Sam said. I shot him a "Gee, thanks. Now I'm going to have to pay for that" kind of look.

Fiona glared at me but was deterred by another coughing fit. I gathered her in my arms and rubbed her back as my mom brought a bottle of water and a straw from the kitchen. She held it out for Fi to take a drink, saying, "You have to stay hydrated Fiona, it will help you keep the fever down until you're better. I know, I know, you're not sick!"

Miraculously Fi listened to my mom's advice, leaning against me and taking a sip of the water. Sam set up the medication on the counter while mom put the soup in the fridge. "You know how to heat this up Michael?" she asked. I assured her I did.

Mom brought an assortment of meds over and made Fiona take them. She then gave Fi a quick hug, sternly instructing her to let me take care of her. Fi smiled up at her.

"OK Mikey, call if you need anything. I'll see you guys in a few days. Don't need to be bringing any germs to my lady friend, after all!" Sam said, joining my mom on her way out the door.

Fi turned towards me, resting her head on my shoulder and putting her arms around me.

"Thank you Michael," she said, pressing a kiss to my cheek before lying down again.

"My pleasure, Fi," I said, lying next to her and pulling her into a hug.

"But Michael—"

"I know Fi, you're not sick."

"I'm not," she replied before drifting off to sleep again.

_OK I know that was totally corny and probably pretty stupid but I've had a nasty cold all week and I sat down to write after the mid-season finale last night and this is what came out. Be kind in your reviews please. _

_I'm working on another chapter now but that may end up being its own story. We'll see._


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